Life as it stands. Today is my 22nd birthday, June 25th. In the 22 years I’ve been alive I’ve been through a lot and I’ve seen a lot. Not necessarily all bad stuff, but it’s all helped to shape me nonetheless.
Music has always played a big part in my life, from singing Andrea Bocelli/ Guns’n’Roses/ Bon Jovi and rapping to Notorious BIG in the van with my dad when I was 6 or 7, to getting a degree in Popular Music Journalism by the time I had just turned 21. Whether it was singing, dancing, listening to, or writing/reading about music - I’ve always had a deep rooted connection to it. Music is a form of escapism, it lets you create your own reality for that short moment of a song. For 3-4 minutes you’re lost in the music and have forgotten about your struggles and you just submerge in that moment.
I used to go to Stagecoach from around the ages of 8-11. Stagecoach was a performing arts school where you learn to sing, dance, and act. Musical theatre itself I was never really into, I just enjoyed being able to perform. I didn’t want to perform in front of anyone, I just liked the idea of being capable to dance act and sing. It’s a skill I had always admired, and I still do. Nothing is as easy as it seems, and the performance industry is cut throat - even when you’re from the ages of 8-11.
Having had this experience performing I know just how difficult it is to perform on stage, and perform perfectly. The pressure of the audience added on to the pressure of your teachers and your peers is especially daunting. That’s why I have such a huge respect for performers, because it’s difficult in more ways than you could even imagine. My desire was to never be a performer, however I absolutely loved watching people perform. Whether that was playing an instrument, singing, dancing, miming, acting, or even comedians - I just love it!
When I finished school after my GCSE’s I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do. I enjoyed Expressive Arts (a contemporary performance arts subject) but colleges didn’t appear to have that as an option - plus it wasn’t the career path I pictured myself going down. When I went to apply for my a-levels I just thought of money, and what job will get me the most money? Business! I got a B in business studies GCSE so why not? For my a-levels I picked, economics, business studies, accounting and a BTEC in musical theatre (to help keep me sane from all of the academic subjects). Although I’m a creative, my family had always pictured me as an academic, so for my younger years - that is what I strived for.
However I soon came to realise that academic subjects just aren’t my thing. I can retain information, but I struggle to apply it academically. I actually really enjoyed economics, and I understood a lot of it but unfortunately I just couldn’t apply my knowledge to the questions asked. This led me to believe that I was just… stupid? Why couldn’t I get good grades when I knew the information? I rarely looked forward to my academic classes, my favourite class of the week was dance on a Tuesday.
I dropped out of accounting in first year as I was persistently failing the subject. I can’t fully blame my lecturers though, as I found it difficult and boring so I had no interest when in class - which lead me to consistently fail. Then my progress coach at college suggested taking a creative path, as she knew about my frustrations with my a-level topics, and I stated my lack of desire to perform for a living. She then suggested perhaps setting up a blog and writing about music, as that’s all I tended to talk about to my progress coach. So I did it. And here I am five years later still writing the same blog I created when I was 16.
That talk changed my life.
God knows where I would be or what I would be doing now if it wasn’t for that woman inspiring a light bulb moment in me. From the first review I had written (Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - Chasing Yesterday Deluxe Album), I knew this is what I saw myself doing for the rest of my life. I didn’t do that well at college, I left with a-levels of E in economics, a C in business studies and a merit in my musical theatre BTEC. However, because of my blog that I’d been writing for around 18 months at that point, I got offered an unconditional offer at university. This meant regardless of my grades - they would’ve accepted me into their university. I didn’t pick that university to study, and I actually only realised about the unconditional offer on results day, but that’s how I knew I was choosing the right path. I must’ve been doing something right? (For once in my life)
So I didn’t get into my original offer, BIMM Manchester, as I had always dreamed of living in Manchester, and at 18 I instead ended up moving half way across the country, out of Stoke-on-Trent and down to Southampton. About 3-4 hours away. I met some amazing people and talented individuals around the south coast and London area from making that bold move and learnt so much about myself, others, the world and how both I and other people view the world. Although the music journalism industry was dying by the end of my degree, I still aspire to do it. We brought vinyl back now lets bring back print!
My Manchester ‘dream’ came true at 21 when I made the move after uni, but it wasn’t quite as planned. Getting a job seemed near enough impossible, let alone trying to get a creative (paid) job. But now I’m 22, I’m spending my birthday back in my uni city of Southampton with my best friend and I realise perhaps your dreams aren’t all you desire to be. I have goals and ambitions but I let life take me where it wants. I had no reason to go to Manchester, other than the desire to live in the city - everything else I wanted to move there for was already here in Southampton.
At the age of 22 I feel so much pressure to have my life on track. To have a stable job, a stable income, a roof over my head, a social circle, a love interest, hit career goals. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter where you’re heading as long as you’re heading somewhere. In 22 years I have achieved so much that I do not credit myself for. I have a degree, I’ve ran my own events business, I write for four publications, I have lived independently in other cities for the past four years, I’ve had multiple jobs, I'm writing a book, I’ve gone on holiday with my friends and I’ve truly enjoyed life despite the downs that come with the highs.
Here’s to another 22 years of riding the wave that is life!
